This feeling

I’ve been away from my parent’s love for too long and that has left an empty space in me. I cling to things that I feel can fill up this space. I’m passionate about my guitar and singing because it temporarily fills up this void. What you see on the surface is not what goes on inside. That is true with me, that is true with anyone and everyone. You look at really accomplished people and when you get past the shining outer sphere, you see their real stories.

It is a weird feeling. Part of me wants it and is used to it. This very feeling brings me down at times and the same feeling is what gives me energy to fight back to reach my highs. I have developed some level of immunity to this feeling now after going through many pitfalls. I still remember the first time it was triggered; I never want to feel like that again. I have now developed certain strengths to fight back. Some of these are external and some internal.

The biggest internal strength I’ve developed is learning how to let go and a higher power take control. The biggest external strength I’ve developed is being passionate about my work. I use my days of feeling high to develop defenses against the lows so that I can pull myself out quicker than before.